


Three Men in a Lift

by unwillingadventurer



Category: Callan (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 13:28:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18757360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unwillingadventurer/pseuds/unwillingadventurer
Summary: Callan, Meres, and Lonely... stuck in a lift.





	Three Men in a Lift

The thick metal doors slid shut, sealing Callan, Meres, and Lonely into the small lift. The destination was the tenth floor of the tatty block of flats and with a single push of a button the lift ascended. But then, with a jolt, it shuddered and screeched to a halt- stopping somewhere between the eighth and ninth floors.

“What’s happening?” Callan asked, looking around the capsule.

With a sigh, Meres pressed the tenth button but nothing happened. He shrugged. “We’ve stopped dead, old boy. Looks like we’re good and stuck.”

“Really, Toby, stuck, are we? You know you have a habit for stating the bleedin’ obvious?”

“You did ask.”

With widened, frantic eyes, Lonely paced the length of the floor. “Oh gawd, please don’t tell me we’re stuck in here, Mr. Callan. Don’t tell me it’s gawn and broke down!”

Callan could feel one of his headaches coming on and for a few moments he could barely concentrate with the sound of Lonely rambling in his ear in the way he was, words and words, noise and noise. He placed his fingertips to his temples and took a deep breath. He spied Meres by the doors, knocking at them for someone to hear.

“Of course, It might not be a technical fault,” Meres added, “it could be sabotage.” He slammed the button again and then searched for something to contact some sort of operator but the phone line wires appeared to be cut. He held them up to Callan. “Oh wonderful.”

Callan sighed and slid to the floor. “Brilliant. Just brilliant.”

Lonely- who was still panicking and sweating- began to walk in circles around the lift forcing Meres to grab his shoulders.

“Will you stop that?” 

As he took in the smell of the man, Meres dry heaved. “This is my worst nightmare,” he said.

“Being stuck in a lift?” Callan was surprised Meres was afraid of something so trivial.

“No, no, no, not simply stuck in a lift but being stuck in a lift with him!” He held his nose and glanced menacingly at Lonely who was backing away toward the wall.

“Well it aint so bloody marvellous being stuck in here with you either, mate,” Callan snapped.

Lonely was suddenly in Callan’s personal space. “What if we run out of air, Mr. Callan?”

“I can’t breathe anyhow,” Meres said, still covering his mouth and nose. He slid down to the floor next to Callan with hopes the smell would be more bearable from the ground. And at least Callan always wore nice aftershave. 

Callan took a deep breath. “We have plenty of air. We just sit and wait it out, alright? They’ll get it working in two shakes of a lamb’s tail, yeah? Do you think you two can perhaps manage to sit quietly ‘til then?”

Meres and Lonely exchanged glances and nodded reluctantly. Finally, after rather an aggressive instruction from Meres, Lonely sat on the far side of the lift.

Silence then filled the cramped space for several excruciatingly awkward moments until Lonely’s eyes widened again like a startled rabbit on the motorway. 

“Oh my gawd! I’ve just had a thought. Supposin’ the cable snaps. Say it’s been cut. Say it’s hanging by a thread and we go right into the ground like.”

“Supposing I cut you in half?” Callan replied through gritted teeth.

“But think of it, Mr. Callan. They find us in ‘ere later, three skeletons, rats eating the flesh from our bones.”

“Even rats wouldn’t eat your flesh,” Meres retorted.

By this point, Lonely was once again on his feet, pacing, his shaking hands unable to stop. Meres got to his feet and with one single punch sent Lonely to the ground. 

“What the hell you do that for?” Callan said as he shuffled over to Lonely and slapped his cheek. “He’s out cold.”

“Finally, some quiet. Don’t tell me he wasn’t getting on your last nerve, old boy? He was hysterical. It was the polite thing to do really.”

“Yeah.” Callan sniffed and resumed his position against the wall, smiling to himself as Meres sat closely beside him. “Poor old sod.” He looked at Lonely the way someone looked at a sick child.

“He really must control those nerves of his. We’re not sure why we’re stuck but there’s no need for dramatics.”

“Toby, he isn’t one of us, remember?”

“Quite so. And if by one of us, you mean people who bathe from time to time then I quite agree. Besides, he has the courage needed for petty crime.”

Callan let out a light sigh. “Huh it’s funny.”

“What is?”

“Just not the kind of day I was expecting.” He loosened his tie, took it off and tucked it into his breast pocket. “Hot in here.”

Meres agreed, removing his blazer and rolling up his shirt sleeves. “Too damn hot.”

“Perhaps you’re right, perhaps it is sabotage. The heating is full on, of course it could just be knackered.”

“There must be an easier way to kill us than boiling.”

“Unless they intend for us to kill each other.”

There was a sudden snigger from Meres. “Who do you suppose would crack first?”

“Lonely, but he hasn’t got a gun.”

“Out of you and me?”

“Ah me probably,” Callan said with a smile, “so watch your step.”

Meres crossed his fingers over his chest. “I promise I won’t try to kill you, no matter how long we’re in here. No matter how many clothes we have to strip off in this heat.”

“Stripping off? In that case put me out of my misery now.”

There was a smile from each of their faces before they became serious again. 

“That’s not a bad idea, I could always ask you to put me out of my misery,” Callan said.

“Murder-suicide pact? I’ve always longed for you to suggest it.”

“But what would we do with him?” Callan pointed at Lonely asleep on the floor.

“Someone would smell him eventually.”

There was laughter followed by another bout of unbearable silence before Meres could take it no longer and began to whistle ‘She’ll be coming ‘round the mountain.’ 

Callan looked at him and rolled his eyes.

“Must you?”

“It’s very, very, boring in here, David. What else do you suggest, a nice game of I-spy? I spy with my little eye, something beginning with W?”

Callan snorted. “Walls?”

“Not quite the word I was thinking but no surprise for your answer. Well then, go on, you think of something to pass the merry old time.”

“Listen mate, I don’t think you need me to help you think of something to amuse yourself. You’re a grown man, Toby.”

“Touchy.” Meres stretched out his arms and yawned loudly. “It’s like being in your own coffin, isn’t it?”

“Except we would not be sharing a coffin, Toby.”

“Could be quite cosy. Would you rather be cremated or buried?”

“Eh?”

“Burnt and placed on someone’s mantlepiece or in the ground for a rest with the worms? Which one?”

Callan shrugged his shoulders. “Don’t know. Don’t really think about it. You’re dead aren’t you, what does it matter?”

“True. And I suppose with you being invincible you need not consider it.”

Silence again.

Callan succumbed to the boredom and his eyes gently closed. For a few moments he felt his cares drifting away, picturing a sandy beach on a desert island with only the sound of crashing waves to soothe him. He saw the vision of a beautiful woman reaching out to kiss him as he lay on the sun-kissed sand. “Mr. Callan,” the soft and calming voice said, “Mr. Callan, wake up.”

“Wakey, wakey, Mr. Callan.”

When he opened his eyes, he realised he was not staring at a beautiful woman on a sun-kissed beach but the concerned face of Lonely staring down at him. Lonely was going to have one hell of a shiner in the morning!

“Blimey, talk about life’s disappointments,” Callan muttered.

“Mr. Callan, we’re still stuck. I thought it was a bad dream but I wake up and it’s still true. How are we gonna get out of here?”

“I could send you down the lift shaft if you like. It’s the direct to floor route!” Callan said.

As Lonely began to pace yet another time, Callan grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, losing his patience again. He started to wonder if the theory was right, they were going to kill each other.

“You! Sit on the floor and be quiet!”

“Oh, alright, Mr. Callan, I suppose I better conserve my oxygen anyhow,” Lonely said, obeying and sitting like a little mouse in the corner as he pulled out a piece of cheese from one of his dirty pockets and began nibbling.

“Count yourself lucky,” Meres told him, “I would’ve hit you again.”

A sudden tongue emerged from between Lonely’s lips, followed by a sneer.

“So, old son, what were you dreaming about?” Meres said with a grin.

“Not you Toby.”

“What a shame. You so very often appear in my dreams.”

“Leave it out, I’m tired. Can’t you just stop talking for five minutes?”

Meres smirked and saluted. “If you say so.” He leaned back against the wall and with that, all three shut their eyes.

After what felt like eternity, amidst the prolonged silence which was only broken by random snoring from Meres, the lift jolted and there was the feeling of movement under them. Callan’s eyes sprung open but coming to attention, he found Meres’ head resting comfortably upon him, snuggled against his shoulder. He was unable to move as the sleeping Meres rested upon him, deep in sleep. Now his shoulder ached. He tried to shake him off but to no avail.

“Toby, Toby, wake up.” He shoved him on the arm.

Meres opened his eyes and looked at him. Realising he was now using Callan as a pillow, he quickly shuffled away on his hands and knees, yawning and groaning, waiting for the doors to part. He rubbed his neck.

“Talk about giving me the hard shoulder and after you were such a nice cushion.”

Callan rolled his eyes. “The lift’s working. Get up.”

As the three men got to their feet, the metal doors sprung open and a circle of people on the other side were staring at them. Finally, they were free. Nothing seemed to be amiss and the day was the same as it had been when they’d entered the flats. No doubt the job they were assigned to do had completely fallen apart but other than that, they were safe.

“Morning,” Callan said to the group of people as he grabbed Lonely and pulled him out of the doors. “Lovely day!”


End file.
